REVIEW: STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS

Star Trek Into Darkness

“So I responded in kind.”

The Enterprise’s crew is on a recently discovered planet. Its inhabitants are simple and impressionable. While Spock leaps into a volcano to stablize it*, the enormous starship zooms overhead, the people instantly proclaiming it to be their god. This is not the only reference of a higher power in the film. J.J. Abrams has been given the keys to the universe. A few in fact. One wonders if being the brains behind not only the reboot of Star Trek, but future versions of Star Wars as well has given him the appropriate complex.

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‘RISE’ IS IN ANOTHER FILM TITLE, THIS TIME THE SEQUEL TO 300

Eva Green in 300: Rise of an Empire

For whatever reason, ‘rise’ has become an increasingly popular word for films, lately. We got one for Batman, and that flick about Santa and the Easter Bunny. This time it’s a follow-up to Zack Snyder’s epic which detailed the battle of Thermopylae. You remember, it’s that movie when a bunch of guys battled in thongs and capes with spears and swords.

Not a lot of carry-over in regards to the cast. One mainstay is Lena Headey (Queen Gorga. I’m thinking of naming my future daughter, Gorga. Gorga Sioui. It’s fun to say.) who runs the Spartans back into battle against those dastardly Persians, and their leader, Xerxes. Eva Green co-stars, but I’m not sure if she’s good or bad.

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REVIEW: THE GREAT GATSBY

Tobey and Leo in The Great Gatsby

“Every allied country gave me a medal…even Montenegro.”

I could live in a Baz Luhrman world. Everything is effervescent and luxurious. The people are beautiful, the scenery is handsome; even car crashes seem romantic. Luhrman’s forté is spectacle, and he does his craft service with the latest adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s 1925 classic, The Great Gatsby. The director is the perfect mouthpiece for the story. It oozes excess, dripping in high fashion, and even higher drama.

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JENNIFER LAWRENCE LOOKS BORED IN BLUE IN X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST

Days of Future Past

The X-Men are coming back, this time in a past/future confusing structure, combining the casts of X-Men, X-2, X-Men: The Last Stand, and X-Men: First Class. The newest collaboration stems from one of the most iconic comic books from the last 30-years, detailing a look into a possible destiny for the mutant population; one where they’re round up and decimated by the Sentinels–storeys-high robots with frickin’ laser beams coming from their eyes and hands.

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THE WOLVERINE’S LADIES PLAY WITH WATERCOLOURS

Viper and Logan in The Wolverine

Before the newest trailer for James Mangold’s take on the hairy, Canadian hero is released tomorrow, we have a couple more watercolour style posters highlighting two of the film’s femme fatales, Viper and Yukio. I’m still wary of what’s been shown so far. Still a little too clowny, and creeping into the unwatchable X-Men Origins territory. (In case it’s confusing, the one that had Will.I.Am. in it.) The posters are decent. Yukio’s got her swords pointing in an intimidating fashion. Viper just looks slutty, though.

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FADING GIGOLO HAS JOHN TURTURRO DOING HIS BEST WOODY ALLEN IMPRESSION

John Turturro

The neurotic one himself, Woody Allen, has a new film, but this one he’s merely starring in. Fellow New Yorker, John Turturro gets behind the lens for, Fading Gigolo, an Allen-esque style comedy about a guy that decides to become a professional Don Juan to help raise some money for his cash strapped friend. Interesting cast involved. Other than Turturro and Allen, Sharon Stone, Vanessa Paradis, Sofía Vergara, and Liev Schreiber are all around for what sounds to be a promising tale.

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MAY FILMS TO SEE

The Kings of Summer

Welcome to May, the greatest month of the year. These 31-days are dedicated to my sister Devon. Purveyor of fine paintings and jewelry; owner of cat and dog; lover of Yoko Ono; frequent swearer. We were in Thailand once, eating $2.99 hamburgers and drinking Beer Chang, when Devo starts going off on this rant about nothing. Her shoulders burnt, her face flushed from the sun and booze, eff this, and eff that. Every table kept turning around, but Devo just kept getting louder and louder. We became friends with a group of Australians that night, 100% due to my sister’s obnoxious sense of humour. Somehow Devo is more talented than she is vulgar. Go buy something from her site, Nervrom.

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