JENNIFER LAWRENCE LOOKS BORED IN BLUE IN X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST

Days of Future Past

The X-Men are coming back, this time in a past/future confusing structure, combining the casts of X-Men, X-2, X-Men: The Last Stand, and X-Men: First Class. The newest collaboration stems from one of the most iconic comic books from the last 30-years, detailing a look into a possible destiny for the mutant population; one where they’re round up and decimated by the Sentinels–storeys-high robots with frickin’ laser beams coming from their eyes and hands.

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FADING GIGOLO HAS JOHN TURTURRO DOING HIS BEST WOODY ALLEN IMPRESSION

John Turturro

The neurotic one himself, Woody Allen, has a new film, but this one he’s merely starring in. Fellow New Yorker, John Turturro gets behind the lens for, Fading Gigolo, an Allen-esque style comedy about a guy that decides to become a professional Don Juan to help raise some money for his cash strapped friend. Interesting cast involved. Other than Turturro and Allen, Sharon Stone, Vanessa Paradis, Sofía Vergara, and Liev Schreiber are all around for what sounds to be a promising tale.

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BETWEEN TWO FERNS: OSCAR EDITION PART II

Between Two Ferns

Well, that didn’t take long. Yesterday, Zach Galifianakis through Funny or Die extended a silver tongue and his hysterical low-key talk show with an Academy Award edition. Today revealed the sequel and it’s even better. Jessica Chastain, Sally Field, and Emmanuel Day-Lewis are guests, but it’s Hangover co-star Bradley (Brad Lee) Cooper who absolutely kills. The rapport between Cooper and Galifianakis is evident. I watched it three times in a row and I was in tears every time.

See the video after the break.

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BETWEEN TWO FERNS: OSCAR EDITION PART I

Zach Galifianakis

Over at Funny or Die, Zach Galifianakis has returned with his foliage for another edition of his insulting talkshow. Moving away briefly from his regular format of chatting with only one person, the Oscar edition has him going conveyor belt style with a handful of Oscar nominees.

Tough to top Christophe Waltz (“Christ of Waltz”), but high marks for Jennifer Lawrence for looking great and hurling the barbs right back at the host. (“You should be off pudding…because you’re fat.”)

Not the best of the bunch, but still definitely worth a look. Part II will presumably arrive shortly. The video’s after the break.

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B-MOVIE RUNNING DIARY: NUDE NUNS WITH BIG GUNS

Welcome back to the B-movie running diary. In this installment, we’re going over the instant classic should be instant classic nunsploitation film, Nude Nuns with Big Guns. Number one: nunsploitation? That’s awesome. A hearty high-five to whomever coined that term. And number two: NNwBG is a great title. You know exactly what you’re getting right off the bat. It’s not some weird thing like Inception, where everything is a total mindfuck. You have nuns, they get naked, they grab some weaponry, and blow some fools away.

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VAMPIRE SHOWDOWN

Vampires. You can’t escape them, and I’m not talking about running for your life. These things have infiltrated our television and theatre screens. Horrible savagery to passionate love-making to bear hugging werewolves; you name it, and vampires have done it. Below are fifteen memorable adapations, in order of coolness, hilarity, desirability, and also how terrifying they are. Of course, this list is completely subjective, and there are literally dozens of characters that didn’t make the cut. Add some more in the comments if you wish. Or if you’re a Twilight fan, tell me why Edward should be higher.

(Finally, there are some SPOILERS as to the fate of each character, so you should perhaps avoid this if you don’t want to know what happens to Pee-Wee Herman at the end of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)

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B-MOVIE RUNNING DIARY: PIRANHA 3D

Being that it’s late Wednesday evening, what better way to pass the time than to watch a B-movie? For those not in the know, a B-movie stands for low budget, or bad. But so bad it’s good. And we’re talking painfully bad/good sometimes. I love these films because they’re absurd, there’s nudity, awful acting, and many times, horrible special effects. I decided to write a running diary of what happens throughout, and if it goes well, it might just start being a regular column. This should probably be obvious after you read ‘running diary,’ but there are massive spoilers ahead, as in, I’m doing a basic play-by-play of the film. 

Piranha 3D (2010)

0:01: Matt Hooper is combining two of life’s greatest things: drinking beer and boating.

0:03: A beer bottle falls and hits the bottom of a lake, which appears to be the cause of a massive earthquake. A fissure emerges, releasing an enormous school of angry fish.

0:04: Hooper bites the dust…and here’s the first evidence of Piranha’s B-movieishness. Hooper gets eaten alive while spinning in a cartoonish manner while the title appears onscreen. I already love this film.

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THE LAST STAND

Remember when Arnold Schwarzenegger looked like this and this? Aging is a real sonofabitch. Anyway, I was just talking to a friend of mine, and we were just reminiscing about how Arnie was THE man in the 80′s and 90′s. Just look at this list of consecutive films he was a part of: Conan the Barbarian (1982), Conan the Destroyer (1984), The Terminator (1984), Red Sonja (meh) (1985), Commando (1985), Raw Deal (1986), Predator (1987), The Running Man (1987), Red Heat (1988), Twins (1988), Total Recall (1990), Kindergarten Cop (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Last Action Hero (1993), True Lies (1994).

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